burning in my heart and chest of pain

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 2021 was the last year i was healthy and happy and myslef. it was the worst year ever because of my mouth stuff, but i'd survived the worst of it and it was getting better.
it was.
it *was*
. until i met a new person and within 2 months on their suggestion they visited and i bought the tickets before my debt. 

2021 to 2025 is what 2021 to 2017 was.

i cannot fucking fathom losing that much time.
i have no memory of mid 2022/2023/2024 because all i did was cry in the dark in SEVERE AGONY.

i hardly saw daylight for 3 years. i didn't do anything except try cope with the pain for 10 hours a day at home. it was. torture. agony. pain, because of the covid he gave me so painfully.

2019 to 2021 felt like 5 years. 

whereas now 2021 feels like yesterday.

i lost 7 years to domestic abuse control and trauma, at least i could still function, and no lasting health issues.

this was my chance. this was my second chance.
and somehow i compromised for someone and they hurt me beyond belief. i didn't see it coming because i didn't even think my worst enemy would take every possible action in a row that could've caused as much pain as possible and broken my heart and soul.

i loved playing my piano. i lvoed running. my teeth stuff was scary but i was a happy happy girl inside before i met him. my only memories are from before 2021. it's so hard to explain to people that i remember nothing from before then. twitter was still called twitter. squid games had just come out.
help.
going to prison of being in a coma would have been so much nicer. the pain and trauma and lasting health issues from his visit are going to make me cry forever.

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