todays feelings

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i wake up, the pain sets in and realisation of that i’m in this reality, i panic and cry for majority of the day, then i pass out and it repeats, no matter what i try do.

repeat for 2.5 years

i haven’t been a human being since april 2022

i’m just in shock. i’m in shock and have been in shock since my symptoms came on and i have been in shock since

i’m in shock. i caught it where i should’ve been safest in the world, in my room where only people i briefed on how covid would kill me were allowed to enter, i can't process this

And that was the last week i ever played my piano, ever rode my bike and ever watched a movie and tv show pain free.

i have lost 96% of everything i love and everything in my life because of getting covid how and when i did


i should’ve only had to deal with the trauma of the jaw and mouth and scary teeth stuff.
i shouldn’t have got infected mid all of that. every day i miss how traumatic the jaw stuff was and all the hospital trips, because it was heaven compared to this experience, i was still happy and i still could do things i enjoyed

i would’ve rather lost all my teeth and the lower half of my jaw than got covid because of how its  effected my body and brain

so i just feel this horrific brain stuff that stated a week into my infection, i feel it until i die? that’s so sad

 for the little girl that i used to be that i grew up from, that loved cats and animals and the sun.
I worked so hard to survive my whole life just to get it (covid) in such a way?


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