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 i collected nice things my whole life, paints, drawing pads


i thought even if i got injured i'd still be able to use them,
in 2020/21 i started to feel ok enough after 6/7 years of controlling relationship trauma+near death experience (since 2014)

june 2022 i ca't even believe i msaying this. but the actions of someone i trusted took my health so badly and made me so scared and sad and in shock and gave me problems in my brain i couldn't handle and gave me a nightmare painful scary life i didn't recognize
i had no idea i could get traumatised this much by someone and experience this much pain and neurological problems.

i really really can't explain this feeling to you guys something is wrong and its such a nightmare its such shock its such horror. its like the worst nightmare imaginable. i'm so. sad. to my core of my soul im so sad.

i miss everything so much i can't even believe i was so so happy in april 2022. i was 26 the last time i was safe and happy i'm about to turn 30 and i can't even watch my favourite movie 13 going on 30 god. god i don't understand. i dno't understand. what did i do. what did i do. i thought of other peopels comfort so much i thought of his comfort so much i tried to make him so happy how and why i did so much for him why did i have to meet someone who could hurt me so much more than i ever could've imagined possible help

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