i want to leave tonight

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i want to leave tonight but what will my mom do
i want to leave tonight but what will my therapist do
i want to leave tonight but what will my friends do, they'll have to make a new discord server
i want to leave tonight but what will matsan do, maybe he would join me before too long
i want to leave tonight i hope someone finds my favourite books
i want to leave tonight I hope someone gets to use the paints and pencils I collected out of love
i want to leave tonight i hope someone loves my piano as much as i did and learns to play blue da be de da ba dai on it
i want to leave tonight i hope my godfather knows i loved him
i want to leave tonight i hope my dad knows i loved him
i want to leave tonight i hope my mom knows i didn't mean for this to happen

i want to leave tonight i hope my mom knows i wanted us to be happy together.
i want to leave tonight i hope everyone who's presence blessed my life knows they gave me the happiest years of my life.
i want to leave tonight but i don't know how.
i want to leave tonight but i have wait until this grief, chest pain and intense dizziness does it for me.
i don't have the resources. 

i wish it was april 2022 and i wish i was still safe.
i don't know how i am here. but getting covid hurt, its hurts everyday and i can't survive it. im sorry. i avoided it with my life but it wasn't enough. im sorry i couldn't be me and i'm sorry i couldn't be around. i'm sorry i couldn't give back all the love i was given.

i'm sorry.


im never going to see this sight again 
the happiest i've ever been in my whole life was riding my bike.


its been 3 years and it gets further away i don't think i can ever do it again
i just want to become worms in the ground. it hurts too much. 
let my body become worms. let me part of the nature in some way. it hurts too much.


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