i cannot sleep and i cannot eat because every second is a flashback.

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 i am in disorientated hell. for me it's 2021, just barely 2022.

2015 was 6 years ago.

Now its fucking TEN YEARS AGO. this has  destroyed me. everyones dying or dead. Fuck. This couldn't have happened ot myl ife. I couldn't have blacked out from covid for FOUR YEARS OF MY LIFE.

i remember everything in so much detial before i got sick and after I got sick its just this horrible disgusting sickening feverish swirl. there's no real memories. everything feels sick.
10/10 times with 100% accurancy I can remember a random event and pinpoint if it was before I had covid or after because I can tell if the memory has that horrible black ooze over my perception of the world because my brain felt off and horrible after the 6th day of my infection.


I still think this is a weird silly dream I haven't woken up from yet.
Oh you know, I think it is. 
Thank god man.
I really scared me for a  second there, I thought this might have been real.

I'll wake up soon in my bed, with my cat, my pink blanket, my bed, my room, my desk, my legs that work, my heart that works, my brain feeling okay, the joy still in my heart and the hope still in me. it'll be april 2022. and i won't have met you yet. and i'll be safe. 

i cannot sleep and i cannot eat because every second is a flashback.

every second is a panic. i can't. be here.

right now. i can't. be here. there. is so. much, grief. its literlaly. killing me. theres so much from getting covid that its literally. killing me. i can't sleep because i am sitting up. crying. panicking., every 10 minutes. i writei it down to myself because iits too muc hto stya in my headi ts soo much. /

this is what every 10 minutes looks like for me. 











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