i can no longer feel.

-

Maybe this is spoiled of me to say but I can't exist.

I can't exist having lost everything Id loved and was a part of me from age 0 till 26.

Everything I loved out Loud. Everything I loved secretly in my heart. everything from my pets, my family, my loved ones, my friends, to Warm baths. Green tea.  Everything I could love. and everything that I thought about. 

It's gone and it's just pain. ITS JUST PAIN. _____

I wish I'd been hit by a car instead.
I wish anything had happened instead. ANYTHING ON THIS EARTH.



My head. My skin. My neck. My eyes. How could you take everything I ever loved away.

COVID is horrible. If it gets in your brain it's fucking horrible. if you're sensitive and autistic its fucking horrible. I'm dying every waking moment. I can't believe i was ever NOT DYING LIKE THIS.


i cant stay asleep. there’s too much panic i can’t stay asleep. there’s too much dread

if i think about that i lost 3 years with my mum and matsan.
when i was 4 years old i would cry at that thought.
(my vision is going)
i love my mom so much and you turned our lives upside down with this illness,

everything i worked for to try make my moms life better it was just gone.
and i got so dizzy from the virus i couldn’t even recognise her or talk to her for 3 years

and now I CAN'T EVEN DO THINGS WITH HER. OUR LIVES ARE DREAMS THEY'RE GONE.

i can’t go to the park with mama anymore because i’m so physically weak

i haven’t been able #





I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO WARCH MOVIES WITH MY MAMA BECAUSE I CANT WATCH THINGS ANYNORE I LOVED WATCING MOVIE WITH MY MAMA SINCE I WAS 4 AND YOU TOOK THAT FROM ME I WISH YOU HADNT

i can’t believe i was ever loved.  can’t believe i was okay. I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS EVER SAFE. i want to die so badly. never in my life have i wanted the pain to stop more. it's just MORE MORE MORE PAIN SINCE I HAD COVID.

My baseline has been destroyed so much. i’ve never felt like this in my entire life. and i thought is been through the worst experience s

i can’t believe it. it can’t be real it can’t. When I touch my skin it burns I've never had this before.

i wish i didn't trust you. i wish i hadn't got covid in my room. i might not be dying right now. 

My life my life help

Thrown away help

Help

My little life throw

Thrown

Help




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