what do you mean

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wha do you mean i can't run anymore or walk up the stairs and what do you mean my veins are bursting under my skin and what do you mean my heart hurts and what do you mean im at risk of developing disease now that i wasn't before and waht do you mean im on emergency recall at the hospital getting cancer tests again after my last ones what do you mean i lost 3 years with my elderly matsan and mum and what do you mean this took away my hopes


i knew so much that i didn't want to get covid and get disabled at 26 and lose the whole rest of my life

its a miserable life, to be unwell and weak, for your whole life. its awful.


i am freaking out and panicking constantly because i feel like i've been for all intents and purposes, killed. or worse than killed. 

I still feel the same as I did when I was 8, but now I've experienced so much pain and I'm so scared.
I can't stop crying I really just feel like a terrified small child.

I am so sensitive I didn't need this. 

My poor body. I don't recognize it at all. I'm so sorry body. All the bulging burst veins all over you. All the damaged systems. All the pain. I'm so sorry body.

You kept me alive for 26 years and I didn't keep you safe. 



what do you mean I did this, what do you mean I let myself get hurt again, what do you mean someone got too close to me with cold symptoms and didn't think about it :( i wouldn't give a cold to someone i hate 

it's almost 2025 and last year and the last Christmas remember, the last christmas I was safe and okay and healthy is 2021. How.


14 November 2024


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